Feelings toward the Donor: Chapter 5

As we look through chapter 5 in Let’s Talk About Egg Donation we explore those feelings we may have towards our egg donor.

It’s very common to have all different kinds of feelings about the women we select to help us become mothers and fathers. We are using their genes in order to have a baby because, for whatever reason, we can’t with our own. Our feelings can vary wildly—sometimes we feel maternal and protective toward our egg donor; sometimes we feel like a big sister, friend, or aunt; and sometimes we feel nothing at all. At other times we can feel insecure, unsure, or even sad.

More often than not, we have feelings of gratitude and kindness toward the young women whose genes we use to build our families. We hear a lot of parents express gratitude.

Some intended parents start out anonymous but then became known. Here’s one excerpt from Stacey:

“Our donor was unknown, but prior to our cycle, [she] became known to me through a funny set of circumstances. It was an usual situation to have what was considered a known donor that I didn’t really know. We bonded pretty quickly, but I was still guarded. We went hand-in-hand through the cycle. As we grew closer, I still questioned how much I wanted her involved in our family. I didn’t know what to expect because I’d never been through it before. So I just felt my way through, day by day.

After our son was born, our donor just became part of the family. There was some awkwardness initially, but that went away pretty quickly. She assumed the auntie role, and I welcomed it. She is the sister I always wished I had. I can’t imagine my life without her or the amazing gift she gave us. The more I got to know her and experience her wonderfulness, the more grateful I was that our son would have one more person in his life that loves him so dearly—actually, two. Her teenage son adores our son. He totally gets the donor thing. He’s even schooled adults about it. So we hit the jackpot, in my opinion.”

There are some parents who have chosen the anonymous route and have stayed anonymous because that’s what works best for them. Here are excerpts from Joan and Jessie:

Joan

“Our egg donor was anonymous. To the extent that I feel anything toward her, I am simply grateful for her contribution to our wonderful sons coming into the world … although I know a lot about her from her donor profile, I don’t truly know her. I do think of her at least a few times a week, with gratitude.”

Jessie

“Our donor was anonymous, and I really don’t feel anything towards her and don’t really think about her at all now. At the time I was going through the process, I thought about her a lot, and I am very grateful for everything she has done for me.”

Stay tuned to our blog for more Let’s Talk About Egg Donation-available everywhere books are sold.

Summer 2019

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