Selecting your egg donor: Chapter 2

Chapter 2
Selecting Your Egg Donor

The process of selecting an egg donor can be filled with trepidation. It can be scary, intimidating and overwhelming.

Here’s an excerpt from chapter 2 that talks about the process of selecting an egg donor.

How Do I Choose?

It’s very helpful if you get yourself some support at this point in the process. Parents via Egg Donation (PVED) is a nonprofit organization with an active online forum (www.pved.org). There, thousands of parents and intended parents from all over the world who communicate daily regarding all aspects of egg donation, embryo donation, and surrogacy. (Other support networks are listed in the Resources section at the back of this book.)

Next, get your head in the game. Donor selection is not like purchasing a big-ticket item, such as car or a house. This is about creating life and having a baby—you can’t trade your child in! This means that you will be giving a lot of thought to the physical, emotional, social, and spiritual qualities you believe are important when choosing your donor. Some intended parents find it helpful to make a list of the qualities important to them.

Remember that no matter which egg donor you select, your child will be one you and your partner (if you have one) create and give life to. The child will be exclusive and special to your own family, and he or she wouldn’t be coming into this world if not for the love that you have to give. Most importantly, regardless of eye color, hair color, height, or other physical characteristics, you are going to love, honor, and cherish this child—because this child is going to be your child.

“I narrowed it down from a pool of about ten that I had selected from various agencies, then picked based on looks, intelligence/drive, previous successful donations, and family history … and I wanted it to be open so my kids could find her later if they wanted to or had questions. We talked on the phone, and I discovered our personalities were very similar. My doctor kept telling me how impressed she was with her while she was going through the process, so that was encouraging. Then I met her at her retrieval, and we looked like we could be sisters. It was a great choice.” – Marie

Today we know that there is no such thing as anonymity, but at the time Juana was choosing, unidentified or non-directed donors were still referred to as ‘anonymous.’

“We used an anonymous donor. Our clinic had a database of about twenty women to choose from. My husband and I came up with a plan to go through their profiles separately and then bring our top three choices to each other. We both ended up picking the same one, hands down. Neither of us picked a second and third choice because we were so excited about the first choice! We liked her because she shared physical characteristics of me, but also her personality was very similar. (Our clinic has extensive profiles with several essay questions that give us a good idea [of] what kind of person she is). She seemed very real and not like she was just writing what prospective IPs [intended parents] wanted to hear. When we told our nurse which donor we picked, we also found that she had donated several times prior, and all had resulted in successful pregnancies, so that helped as well! ” – Juana

Let’s Talk About Egg Donation is coming to bookstores near you Summer 2019

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